


forty-two

by thebeautifulbadass



Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: Birthday Fluff!, F/F, Jen is so soft for Judy, she just wants her to have a nice (belated) birthday okay???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:21:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25722763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebeautifulbadass/pseuds/thebeautifulbadass
Summary: Jen finds out she missed Judy's birthday and decides to give her the nice goddamn day she deserves.
Relationships: Judy Hale/Jen Harding
Comments: 28
Kudos: 144





	forty-two

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote most of this a few weeks ago and then got distracted with other fics, but I really love this one and didn’t want it to get lost in my WIP pile, so I gave myself the deadline of finishing it by my friend’s birthday. (Happy birthday, Andrea! Here’s some Judy birthday fluff!)
> 
> I was inspired by a tweet pointing out that the date on Perez’s phone when she and Jen are coming back from the forest is February 20. I just could not stop thinking about how sad it is that Judy’s birthday was written into the script as February 21 and then it wasn’t even acknowledged. Sigh.
> 
> Also, I made a fandom twitter account because I felt like I was missing out on ALL THE GOOD STUFF! It’s @perezsespresso if anyone wants to say hi.

It’s been a few weeks since the accident, and Jen and Judy are making their way back toward normal. Well, as normal as possible, considering Perez let them know that Steve’s body had been found, and they’re anxiously waiting for the other shoe to drop any day now, because it doesn’t really seem possible that Perez can keep Jen’s confession a secret forever now that there’s a _body_ , but they’re trying to live their lives, even though that hut-over-the-ocean vacation has to be put on hold indefinitely.

It’s a Saturday night in late March, and they’re sitting outside on the couch, a blanket over their laps, drinking wine, watching _The Facts of Life_ , and it’s Blair’s twenty-first birthday, and Judy says longingly, “God, remember being twenty-one?”

Jen glances over, surprised by the sound of Judy’s voice because they’ve been quiet tonight so far. She snorts. “Fuck. Yeah. I miss youth.”

Judy scowls at her. “You’re beautiful, Jen.”

Jen raises her eyebrows and flings out an arm in exasperation. “Jude, you _just_ asked me, very _wistfully_ , I might add, if I remembered the good old days, so you can’t _scold_ me for feeling the same way.” Judy laughs, but before she can say anything, Jen continues. “Jesus, you don’t even _need_ to miss your youth. You’re hot shit, no one would ever know you’re forty-one.”

“Forty-two,” Judy murmurs, distracted by whatever’s happening on the TV.

Jen’s gaze snaps to her face.

“What?”

Judy looks over at her. “I’m forty-two. My birthday was, like, a month ago,” she states like it’s nothing.

“What the fuck are you talking about? A month ago I turned myself in for murder and we almost died in the span of a week. And you’re telling me it was your _birthday_?”

“Well, yeah.” Judy shrugs. “It’s not a big deal. I never do anything for my birthday.” Jen just stares at her, so she keeps talking. “My mom never really cared, and we didn’t have money for anything special, and Steve kinda thought it was stupid to celebrate birthdays as an adult, he would just buy me an expensive gift and call it a day, so I just… I don’t know. It doesn’t really matter to me.”

Jen reaches for her hand. Judy is one thousand percent the type of person who would love birthdays if anyone had ever given her the chance. Hell, she sure loves making a big deal of them for the boys.

Jen just shakes her head as she looks at her, and Judy shrinks under her gaze. “Whaaat?” Judy asks, sounding guilty and embarrassed.

“I just can’t believe you didn’t fuckin’ tell me it was your birthday.” Jen sounds angry, but really she’s just sad that Judy places so little value on _herself_ when her whole _thing_ is loving people no matter what.

“I’m sorry,” Judy says, scrunching up her nose.

“No, no, it’s okay, I’m not, like, actually pissed off at you, I’m just… sad. That your birthday was so shitty and that I didn’t even get to try to make it better.”

Judy brings her free hand over to cover Jen’s where it’s holding hers and squeezes. “It wasn’t that bad.”

Jen shoots her a disbelieving look, thinks about all the horrible shit that happened about a month ago. “When was it exactly?” she asks.

“February twenty-first. The day after Perez let you off the hook. So it was actually one of the best days I’ve had in a while.” Judy smiles softly, then brings their joined hands up to her lips and kisses the back of Jen’s. “I had you back after I thought I lost you.”

Jen tries to smile, but she has to swallow down a lump in her throat. “Jude,” she whispers. She looks down at her lap, unable to maintain eye contact. She squeezes Judy’s hand instead of saying anything else.

***

That night, Jen vows she’ll make it up to Judy and give her the best birthday ever, even if it’s over a month late.

She forces herself to step foot back in that party store, and manages to look past all the gaudy signs and hideous knickknacks and party favors, thinking _What would Judy do?_ and it’s like magic, the way all the decent decorations appear and ideas start forming in her head for how she can put things together.

She makes sure Charlie will be home, that he doesn’t make plans she doesn’t know about to go out with friends, and she checks Judy’s calendar to make sure she’s working her usual Wednesday shift (she stays a bit later on Wednesdays, and more often than not it ends up being their takeout night), and Jen makes dinner—she _actually makes dinner_ , and not just a simple salad and some pasta or some shit, like she looks up the fanciest vegan recipe she can find that doesn’t sound completely outside the realm of her cooking skills, and she buys a shit ton of groceries, including a couple ingredients she’s never even heard of, and she secretly takes the afternoon off work to get everything ready, and she _cooks_ , and yeah, she has to throw out one of the side dishes and start over, and she accidentally burns something, and she says _fuck_ about a million times because she doesn’t know the first thing about cooking tofu (especially not _well_ ), but she tries tiny bites of everything and then makes Charlie try tiny bites of everything and she feels pretty confident that she didn’t completely fuck it up because Charlie would definitely not be shy if it was gross. The kitchen is a complete disaster by the time she’s done, but she enlists Charlie and Henry to help clean it while she’s putting the finishing touches on dinner, because she doesn’t want Judy to come home to a mess or feel like she has to clean up after they eat.

She ushers the boys upstairs to change into something a bit nicer than T-shirts, and she changes into a cherry-red jumpsuit that she loves and hasn’t worn since before her surgery (because she just hasn’t felt confident enough, but there’s something about being around Judy that makes her feel more like her old self), puts on some matte red lipstick, and then comes back downstairs and takes everything out of the oven where she’d been keeping it warm. She starts setting the table with their nicest serving dishes and their nicest plates, the ones she hardly ever uses, and she looks around and smiles, pleased with herself, before placing a small wrapped box next to Judy’s place setting at the head of the table and a larger, medium-sized box the size of a basketball under the table.

She’s just finished lighting the candles in the centerpiece (which she’d made herself the night before using flowers and twine and _fucking Mason jars_ , an idea taken straight from Pinterest after two minutes because she’d reached her limit of cutesy DIY bullshit within the first thirty seconds) when she hears Judy’s keys jingling outside the front door, and she rushes to the entryway holding a silly paper birthday crown that she’d thrown into her party-store cart at the last minute.

“Boys,” she calls, and they hurry toward her from where they were sitting, waiting, in the living room and they stand next to her, Henry slightly in front of Charlie and Charlie’s hand on Henry’s shoulder.

The door swings open and Judy appears, nearly jumping backward in surprise at the sight of the three of them standing there in a row waiting for her, and Jen sees the confusion spread across her face. “Hey,” Judy says hesitantly, “what’s going on, guys?” And then she lifts her nose. “What is that incredible smell? Did you cook?” She gapes at Jen, her eyes twinkling, seeming to have forgotten her confusion already.

Jen’s lips twitch into a smile, and she feels an odd rush of playful, childlike giddiness as she holds the crown out in front of her, the words facing Judy so she can read them. Judy does, and there’s a quiet but sharp intake of breath, and her eyes meet Jen’s, and she smiles so brightly that Jen feels a spark of warmth glowing in the center of her chest. Henry shouts “Happy birthday!”, flinging his arms into the air happily, and all at once Judy is inside and she’s rushing forward and pulling him into a hug, tousling his hair. She hugs Charlie next, and Jen even hears him say, “Happy birthday, Judy,” and there’s a tug in her heart. By the time Judy steps in front of Jen, her eyes are glistening, and Jen just smiles again and reaches up to smooth Judy’s hair down before placing the crown on her head.

“You don’t have to wear it, it was an impulse buy,” Jen says.

Judy just steps forward and pulls her into a tight hug, her arms like tiny boa constrictors around Jen’s waist, and, standing on her tiptoes, she hooks her chin over Jen’s shoulder and buries her face in Jen’s hair, and Jen breathes in the smell of paint Judy always brings home with her and she holds on, clings to her.

When Judy steps back, she smirks. “I’m obviously wearing this all night.”

Jen rolls her eyes, even though she’d expected nothing less.

Judy looks down at her denim skirt and button-up. “You guys are making me feel a little underdressed, can I...?” She points toward the back door.

“Yeah, yeah, go change. But hurry, I don’t want the food to get cold.”

“Jen. Did you _seriously_ make me a _birthday dinner_?” Judy asks, glancing with curiosity into the clean, empty kitchen.

“Fuck yeah I did,” Jen replies, cocky, but Judy is already running around the corner to get a glimpse of the dining room, and she gasps.

“Oh my god, what...” she murmurs in wonder before turning back to the three of them. “You guys, this is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.”

Judy honestly looks like she’s about to cry, and if this is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for her, really and truly, Jen thinks that is the most unacceptable thing in the world, because Judy deserves nice home-cooked meals and thoughtful gifts and decorations celebrating her every day. She deserves to feel this special all the time.

Jen swallows a lump in her throat and forces herself to smile. “Go, go change,” she says lightly, shaking herself out of her stupor and ushering Judy toward the backyard.

“I’m going, I’m going.”

***

Jen and the boys are in the dining room and Jen is scooping out food onto their plates when Judy walks into the room, wearing a pale pink floral dress, long and billowy, her birthday crown still on her head. She looks _so beautiful_ it makes Jen’s heart ache a little, and she isn’t quite ready to put her finger on _why_.

Jen quickly looks down, focusing on Charlie’s plate as she sets it in front of him, and then she moves to the head of the table to pull out Judy’s chair, gesturing for her to sit down. “All right, birthday girl, take a seat and let me feed you, for once.”

Judy smiles up at her as she sits, and scoots her chair in.

Jen picks up Judy’s plate and starts piling food onto it, and Judy just sits there watching, her face glowing with awe, and Jen honestly feels a little embarrassed.

“I can’t believe you did this,” Judy says, shaking her head back and forth. Jen sets down the full plate in front of her, and Judy takes a closer look at the glazed brown squares sitting on a bed of rice next to some seasoned snap peas, and she gasps again. “Did you make me _tofu_?”

Jen is definitely embarrassed now, especially when she hears Henry giggling in the background. “Yeah, I’m fuckin’ capable of cooking, you just never let me do it.” She shoots a sly smile at Judy so she’ll know she isn’t actually angry.

“I know you can cook, I just...have a feeling that before you met me you had never even _eaten_ tofu, much less cooked it.”

“I hadn’t eaten it, that’s for sure,” Charlie says with a smirk.

“See?” Judy says, gesturing toward Charlie.

“Traitor,” Jen mumbles in Charlie’s direction while filling her own plate, and she sees Judy stifling laughter out of the corner of her eye. She glances at Judy as she grabs the wine bottle from the center of the table. “Well, I made tofu. Because you love tofu.”

Judy just smiles at her warmly, then watches as Jen pours them both a glass of wine.

Once they’re all seated, full plates in front of them, Jen looks around. “So, uh. I’m not really one for big speeches, and I don’t want to be gross, but...” Her eyes land on Judy, and she continues softly. “I was really upset when you told me we missed your birthday, Jude.” Judy looks like she’s going to protest, but Jen doesn’t let her. “I know you said it isn’t a big deal and that you don’t care about your birthday, but I do. I care. You deserve to be celebrated.” She pauses, her lips turning up just slightly. “I know it’s a month late, but…happy birthday.”

She raises her wine glass, and the boys raise their glasses of lemonade, echoing their own _happy birthday_ s, and then Judy raises her wine glass, too, and they’re all toasting, and Jen can see that Judy’s eyes are welling up, but she doesn’t bring attention to it. Jen takes a deep breath and then shrugs, glancing around the table again with a smile. “So...let’s fuckin’ eat!”

She watches as Judy and the boys dig in, and she can’t believe she’s managed to make a meal involving tofu that doesn’t leave disgusted expressions on her kids’ faces, but she can tell they’re actually enjoying it, and when Judy takes her first bite, her head falls backward a little and Jen swears her eyes roll back in her head before they close. Jen’s stomach swoops a little and she feels victorious.

“Jen,” she hears, and it pulls her out of her reverie. Judy is looking at her expectantly, and she smiles, points at Jen’s plate with her fork. “Don’t forget to eat.”

“Right.” Jen huffs a laugh and takes her first bite, and damn, she really is impressed with herself.

Judy takes another bite, and lets out a comical groan, and Jen pretends it doesn’t make her chest feel funny. “Is there _mint_ in this?” Judy asks, and Jen wonders if Judy is going to be shocked anew by her cooking prowess with each individual bite.

Jen nods. “Yeah.” Then her forehead wrinkles with worry. “Is there too much? Did I overdo it?”

“No, no.” Judy shakes her head. “It’s perfect. This is just so... _fancy_.” She raises her eyebrows and smirks. “I’m impressed.”

Jen rolls her eyes even though she feels warm with every word of praise. “If you keep making it a big _thing_ , I’m never cooking for you again.”

Judy just snorts and scoops another bite of food into her mouth.

The four of them eat and talk and Judy asks the boys about their day, and they tell her about school, Henry’s science project, the test Charlie got an A on, and then she’s asking about Jen’s day, and Jen tells her she took the afternoon off to get everything ready for this evening and Judy literally drops her fork, it just slides right out from between her fingers, and she startles, apologizes for the noise, and keeps eating, but with her left hand now, because she’s sliding her right over toward Jen’s left, where her fingers are resting lightly around the stem of her wine glass. Judy settles her hand on top of Jen’s hand, slides her fingers between Jen’s fingers, and squeezes.

Jen can barely swallow the bite she’s chewing because there’s another damn lump in her throat.

She’s vaguely aware that the boys are talking about a video game, but Jen can’t look away from Judy, can’t feel anything other than Judy’s fingers between her own. Judy tilts her head and mouths _Thank you_ , her eyes glistening once again, and all Jen can do is smile because she doesn’t have the ability to speak.

***

After they finish eating, Jen decides she wants it to be just the two of them when Judy opens her gifts, so she tells the boys they can be excused. “Be ready to leave for ice cream in…”—she checks the time on her phone—“thirty minutes,” she says as they head upstairs. “And make sure your gifts are ready!”

She turns to Judy who’s looking at her with raised eyebrows and an excited grin. “Ice cream?”

Jen’s mouth twitches. “Are you sure you’re forty-two?”

“Jen, you’re never too old to be excited for ice cream,” Judy replies.

“Yeah, yeah.” Jen clears her throat nervously, then gestures to the small box that’s been sitting quietly next to Judy’s plate all evening, the one that she’d seen Judy’s eyes curiously flicker toward a few times. “Would you want to, uh...open your gift?”

Judy looks down at it but her hands don’t move. She looks back up at Jen. “You really didn’t have to—”

“I wanted to.”

She swears Judy’s eyes get bigger and rounder as she tilts her head.

“Don’t give me that look, Jude. You deserve a gift for your birthday.”

Judy’s lips start to form that sweet little heartbreaking smile of hers, and Jen drops her gaze down to her empty plate; looking at Judy is too overwhelming.

When she does manage to look at her again, Judy finally reaches for the box.

Jen’s heart beats faster as the wrapping paper is carefully unfolded and removed—because of _course_ Judy would be the type of person to be neat with wrapping paper—and then discarded on top of the table. She quietly takes a breath to steady herself as she watches Judy fully unearth the small brown box from its paper shell.

Judy just looks at her, eyes wide, holding the box in her hand like it’s precious, fragile, and Jen can tell she already knows it’s jewelry based on the overwhelmed expression on her face.

“Open it,” Jen encourages.

Judy lifts the lid off the box and instantly drops it to cover her mouth with her hand.

“Jen,” she whispers through her fingers. “It’s so beautiful.”

“Yeah?” Jen replies, and she sounds more nervous than she’d prefer. “You like it?”

“Oh my god, are you kidding me?” Judy replies, her hand falling away from her face. “You bought me a fucking crystal. I obviously love it.” Judy gently pulls the necklace out of the box, runs her finger across the smooth, shiny black triangle set into gold.

“It’s, um...” Jen pauses, glances down, her fingers twisting the napkin in her lap. She probably doesn’t even need to say this—she’s sure Judy already knows what it is—but she wants to anyway. ”It’s black tourmaline. Just in case I’m not always around to protect you.” She watches the emotion play out on Judy’s face, her lips twitching, her nostrils flaring, her eyes wet, her nose scrunching. “The woman at the store said—”

“Wait,” Judy cuts her off. “The store? Did you go to the Chakra Shack?”

Jen sighs, rolls her eyes. “Yes, Judy.”

Judy laughs happily in disbelief. “ _Ohh my god_ , this is the best day of my life.” She sniffs as she blinks back her tears.

Jen chuckles softly under her breath, a little embarrassed, but she would do it again, she would step foot in that store _maybe_ once a month if it would make Judy happy.

“ _Anyway_ ,” Jen finally continues, “the woman who helped me said something about it ‘blocking and cleansing negative energies’”—she makes air quotes with her fingers—”and obviously I think it’s all bullshit”—Judy just smiles at her lovingly—”but...in case it’s not...I like the idea of you being protected. Even if it’s by a rock.”

“It’s not a rock and I think you know that,” Judy says, grinning, but before Jen can reply, Judy is standing up and her hands are suddenly clasped on either side of Jen’s head and she’s bending down and leaving a kiss on Jen’s forehead, and Jen is too stunned to move for a few seconds. Judy just stands back, still grinning, and fastens the necklace around her neck, fingering it as soon as it’s in place, gazing down at it with fondness in her eyes.

Jen takes those few seconds to gather herself and then clears her throat. “There’s another gift for you under the table.”

“ _What?_ Jen!” Judy exclaims, shooting her a bewildered, disapproving look.

Jen shrugs nonchalantly and then watches as Judy kneels down to locate the medium-sized box, drags it out, and stands with it in her hands.

“I saw it when I was at the crystal store—”

“The Chakra Shack,” Judy interrupts. “I’m gonna need to hear you say the name.”

Jen sighs. “I saw it when I was at the _Chakra Shack_ , and I had to get it.”

Judy grins in victory, and sets the box on the table. She starts unwrapping it, once again carefully undoing the tape and unfolding the paper, this time discarding it in Charlie’s empty chair, and then she’s opening the top of the cardboard box and pulling out a bronze Buddha statue.

At first Judy just looks confused, but then Jen says, “You can put it anywhere you want. Not just the guest bathroom.” Judy’s eyes widen in recognition. She sets the statue down gently on the table and sinks into her chair, and Jen sees her face screw up right before her head falls forward into her hands, and suddenly Judy is weeping quietly, her body trembling, and Jen is at a loss, because this was supposed to be _happy_.

“Judy, oh no, no, no, please don’t cry,” she says softly, frantically, getting out of her chair and crouching next to Judy’s knee. She rubs Judy’s arm, back and forth, and when that doesn’t seem to help, she gently grasps Judy’s wrist and carefully pulls her hand away from her face. “Jude, look at me. Look at me,” she urges, and Judy does, her face streaked with tears, her eyes red and watery, her bottom lip quivering. “I’m so sorry, babe,” Jen murmurs, reaching with her other hand to wipe the tears from Judy’s cheeks. “I didn’t mean to make you cry. I wanted you to be happy.”

“I am happy,” Judy whispers, using her free hand to help Jen wipe her tears away. “I just… I love you so much.”

Jen squeezes Judy’s hand tightly and smiles. “I love you too,” she whispers in reply.

She’s quiet then, stroking Judy’s arm again while Judy tries to get control of her emotions, and eventually Jen says, “How about you clean up the mess on your face and we’ll go get that ice cream?”

Judy smiles and nods, sniffs. “Yeah. Yeah, that sounds great.”

Jen stands up and Judy stands too, practically falling into Jen’s arms, her face tucked under Jen’s chin, her birthday crown knocked to the floor.

Jen smooths Judy’s hair and holds her tight. “Happy birthday,” she murmurs against the top of her head.

Judy hugs her tighter, and Jen feels like she’s finally done something right. She wants to make Judy feel like the most special person in the world for as long as the world will let her, because Judy _is_ the most special person, she is _everything_ , at least to Jen.

Her eyes move to the Buddha statue sitting on the table, and she smiles to herself, turns her face just slightly until her nose is pressed into Judy’s hair, takes a deep breath. She may not know what the future will hold, but at least she knows Judy is finally home.

**Author's Note:**

> The Chakra Shack is a very real shop in Laguna Beach, and you would not believe my absolute joy when I discovered it on google maps. I SCREAMED. I literally could not have come up with a better name, and it’s locationally accurate!


End file.
